It's an art.
It costs thousands if not millions of dollars
in mis communication.
It's absence rubs plenty of people
the wrong way and worse,
many near and dear relationships will die
a natural death over the years
because the people involved failed to listen to each other.
But listening is a skill that many of us lack.
We have agenda's.
We want to be the one's to throw in the last words.
On this post,
we are going to learn about
the 3 types of listening and
how to be concious and aware of which one
is taking charge and finally
how this one skill can make you a fortune
if you give it the attention it seeks.
There's a reason we have
2 ears and one mouth.
To talk less and listen more.
Before we delve in to
the art of listening,
lets first go over the different types of listening.
- Predatory/Attack Listening-Listening to respond
- Inquisitive/Consultative Listening-Listening to learn and understand
- Trigger/Zoned Out Listening-Passive Listening for contextual keywords.
1. Predatory/Attack Listening
It's really not listening but more waiting.
You have an agenda and dang it
you are going to be heard.
You will forcefully say what you have to say
wether they llike it or not.
You don't care about
what the other party has to say.
You don't care how they respond
your main agenda is to have
your message relayed.
You are listening to attack.
At times you even interrupt
becuase what the other person is saying
is trivial,nonesense unimportant.
Whats the problem with that?
It triggers defensive listening by both parties.
How responsive do you think
the other party will be
if you are only listening to attack?
How effective will your communication be?
How closer are you to your end goal?
Aaaah there's something to think about.
Your goal…(we'll cover this in more detail)
2. Inquistive/Consultative Listening.
Listeining to understand.
You are silent as a vacuum.
You're absorbing every detail
being relayed by the other party.
You either nod or ask probing questions.
It is the most profitable form of listening.
It allows you to deeply connect
with the other party and more important
it allows the other party to feel understood.
The world would definitely be a better place
if more of us practised this form of listening.
The additional beauty is that
when we actively listen
we also allow the other party to
listen to us when we speak.
It is truly the most fulfilling
active form of communication.
Therapists use this,
consultants(the world class ones) use this
and guess who also uses this….
yep interogators and the police.
First of all i don't even know why
they call them interogators
because one ineffective way of
extracting information is through torture.
When someone is in heightened situations
of joy or pain, they may say anything
just to terminate or extend the sensation.
Ever met exteremely drunk poetic romantics?
How about innocent toeless murders
who would rather metaphorically
"Kill" than lose another toe?
Coercion and manipulation?
Not on this form of listening.
Here the key driver is authenticity
and desire to deeply understand.
3. Trigger/Zoned Out Listening
Huh? I thought you said
"Don't forget to try the steak"
Honey I said "Don't forget to buy the cake"
Now why would anyone remind you
not to forget to try some unknown steak
when there's a birthday party
for 15 kids.in 15 minutes?
Guys do this all the time.
We listen to spatial keywords
and then try to extrapolate
the context of the message.
It's a lack of presence…
Its lack of full participation
it's trying to ,multitask….
and it annoys the heck
out of the people relaying the message
because worse than interruption
is pretending to listen….
HOW LISTENING WILL MAKE YOU A FORTUNE
Jack had a consulting business
he had been in Information Technology
designing healthcare inventory systems
for over 9 years….
he decided that after making the company
over $9 million in earned revenue
his networth was barely even close to that….
he was an implementer( more on another post)
so he decided to leave…..
the company tried to low ball him
by promising to raise his stake
but he wondered why
they hadn't done it sooner
if he was that valuable…
he stuck to his plan….
he had done enough market validation
to know what he was going to offer….
since he had signed a non compete in his contract
he knew better than try to sell the same solutions
he did as an employee…
for the 9 years he worked..
he had listened to his clients every word
he had taken down notes
charted out solutions and saved up a little seed money
for his next project….
he knew that healthcare systems didn't integrate well
with plenty of other softwares….
and he knew webhooks were a joke….
the API went down every now and then
and when dealing with sensitive and pertinent data
time,effciency and deliverability were key…
so instead of globalizing that he had the solution….
he listened to what cleints were complaining about…
and he fixed it even as a consultant…
because….that is what they wanted….
after they were satisfied….
he would ask then if they wanted to
Beta test a solution he was working on
and then he would listen to their feedback…
and iterate and gather more feedback…
it took him a year and a half
to finally go live…
by then he already had the market
ready with contracts for enterprise licences
what he did differently is that he
listened more to his market than his former employer
the funny thing is…..his employer finally went broke…
their inability to articulate what their customers wanted
cost them in lost contracts….
Jack bought out his old company….
in 4 moves he had catapulted from
being an implementer to
being the visionary he was(the highest form of earning)
all because he practiced number 2(above) listening…..